


Maybe I'm Not Built For Love

by BroodyJC



Series: And I Can't Be Without You (Then, Why Did You Leave?) [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AU, Alternative Universe - Soccer, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-16 18:58:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16500932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BroodyJC/pseuds/BroodyJC
Summary: "Sometimes, in order to move forward and heal, they have to go back.("Why did you come back?""I needed to make sure she was happy.""She is.")Even if it meant getting hurt in the process."ORThe High School AU I got hoped into continuing writing and it turned into a Soccer AU? Oops?





	Maybe I'm Not Built For Love

**Author's Note:**

> Due to popular demand, which can be read as the ending wasn't all that great and boy did people get mad, I decided to continue my last work, because I wasn't so happy about it either
> 
> You don't have to read the first part of it to understand, it's pretty much self explanatory as it goes, or I would like to think so
> 
> It's a two shot, guys, but who knows when I'm gonna post it? (I'm still really bad at deadlines)
> 
> Well, have a nice reading.

At twenty-five, Kara Danvers placed a foot on National City for the first time. 

Considering the big picture, until two days ago, Kara hadn’t set a foot on American soil for over three years, unless it was business related. Which took her back to August, five months. Five whole months before coming back, partially because her job demand so, mostly because she had to come back.

For good.

To stay. (Hopefully.)

She landed at night, it was never an option arriving early in the morning, duffle bag tightly around her torso and two suitcases trailing behind her. The last time she traveled so heavy, she was doing the exact opposite route. She was leaving without one last glance behind.

This time, there would be no looking back either.

National City was, in Kara’s perspective, a breath of fresh air. It was new, it was exciting, it was full of possibilities she had yet to discover while they were there just waiting for her. 

Her hands found the comfort of the pockets of the red and blue hoodie she was wearing, the chill air of a January night not close to what she had already endured over the years, but enough to keep her awake, and she looked up. The city was illuminated, as much as any other big city would be in a busy Friday evening, the same air of greatness she grew fond of in the last three years. She wouldn’t trade it for the world.

 _I can’t see the stars_ , she thought bitterly, eyes trained on the plane getting higher and higher in the sky. It was the price to be paid for grandiosity, perhaps.

It was when she saw it. The logo she knew she would have to face eventually (she couldn’t avoid it or their CEO for long, coming back to what she would have to learn to call home also had its downsides), one of the tallest buildings around, at what she thought were only a handful of blocks away, imposing in its own way.

(Full of possibilities indeed.)

She tore her eyes from the L, she had to find a cab and a hotel, after all.

**

Lena Luthor was late.

It was, unfortunately, becoming something quite common in her everyday life. 

(Especially her everyday life that happened  _after_  office hours).

Needless to say, she was trying to run as best as she probably could in her high heels (Sam would definitely lecture her again about having another pair of shoes stored in the car) while stepping in grass and trying to descend the small hill that led to National City’s Elementary School’s soccer field. 

The twenty-or-so eleven years old is not that hard to spot, even less so when the noise comes along. 

The low bleachers were far from full, most people were uninterested parents, waiting for it to end so they could go back to their lives, especially so in a slightly cold Friday evening. The worst of the winter had passed; hence, practices were back every Tuesday and Friday, from 5pm to 6:30pm. And, therefore, Lena’s early nights on the office were defined without a second thought put to it.

Still, this occurrence was not something she was unused to. She could count, and wouldn’t even need both hands (maybe less than five fingers), the amount of times she was there to watch it fully.

Lena was never later than twenty past five, though. No amount of paperwork, board members, work sheets, errands, contracts, would keep her from missing this time of her life, shared with the most important people she had left.

It wasn’t hard to spot them (there really weren’t too many people), and three women sitting completely engrossed on a soccer match of eleven-year-old girls stick out easily in the setting.

With an apologetic smile on her face, she sat down, fingers automatically going to the tight bun on top of her head, setting it free. She felt another hand doing the exact same motion and she couldn’t help but smile through her tiredness. Sam smiled back, question already in her eyes, just waiting for the time it would slip from her tongue.

“Sorry, I got held back at the meeting.”

“Don’t be. You’re doing something good, Lena, never apologize for that.”

“I’m still sorry it has such an impact in my personal life.” She sighed, moving the free hair that fell in front of her face over one shoulder, and proceeded to take off her blazer. “And I’m really sorry I have the need to make sure where the money I’m investing is going, but we need to make this right.”

“And how’s that going?”

The sudden intrusion in their low shared conversation made Lena jump. Blazer safely folded and left on top of her thighs, she moved her gaze up, until she found short red hair and the easiest smile she could’ve seen.

“Apparently, they used a fair amount on an overseas player. They say this is great news, but cannot share the name yet because she hasn’t signed, but it will be official until the end of the next week.” Lena rubbed the sore spot right above the inside of her wrist, she really shouldn’t spend so much time in front of a computer. Her eyes burned as if in agreement of the thought. “How’s Ruby doing?”

“She’s great, Lucy’s been helping a lot too.” 

It brought a proud smile to both of their faces, Alex’s head turning back to the field as her body relaxed once again, hand absently going to the space between her wife’s shoulder blades. Said wife had yet to stop watching the practice, every now and then shouting some instructions to Ruby who only nodded.

Lena looked at the three of them and then at Ruby, to the life and the routine she has worked so hard to create over the past months. 

Her hand found Sam’s bicep, giving it a light squeeze before letting go, finally setting her complete attention on the field, as she grew accustomed to do twice a week for ninety minutes.

**

“Do you know if there’s any good Chinese places around? I’d die for potstickers right now.”

The receptionist didn’t spare her a second glance before handing her the key to her hotel room.  _Room 506, morning light, room booked for ten days for $67 a night, anything else, please use the flyer_. 

Kara left without an answer.

She ended up having takeout (she managed to find a decent enough Chinese place with delivery, her disappointment only arrived later, when the food didn’t come close to what she was used to), while sitting in the dark room and watching a rerun of  _Charmed_. 

For the biggest part of the night, she was able to forget about her responsibilities, for most part of the night, it was her, an old tv show and food. It worked pretty well for her, that, of course, until she grabbed her phone from inside her duffle bag and greeted with messages from her teammates and one from her mom. ( _I hope you arrived safely, I love you._ )

Her eyes trailed back to her suitcases. She would have to do it sooner or later, Orlando was, after all, only ten days away. 

**

Alex let her body fall heavily against the black couch.

For a moment she couldn’t believe this was actually her life at twenty-eight. 

She was in her dream job, something she found out late in her college life, once she thought there was nothing she would be able to do correctly, it was suddenly very much obvious as the best option she could ever go for. She was one of the youngest professors at National City University, a recent transfer after her year in Portland after getting her Master’s Degree. 

She had a very nice loft she had the chance to decorate from the scratch, choosing a scheme of colors would best fit her taste which resulted in a beautifully made greyscale from floor to ceiling.

She was happily married for over three years with the woman of her dreams, the woman who she’s been with for eight complete years, college and beginning of two careers all thrown in the mix, the woman who was also getting all of her dreams fulfilled.

The woman who was, currently, walking lazily in Alex’s direction, only to straddle Alex’s thighs, hands already moving to place Alex’s hair back in place after more than fourteen hours away from home. 

“Tired?” Alex could only hum, head hanging back to rest against the couch, eyes closed. “That’s too bad. You see, I’m still on offseason for ten days and, if I’m not mistaken, you have two days for the weekend before going back to working on your oh so secret university project, and, a little reminder for you, it’s been three months since we moved in and we haven’t had sex in every surface of this apartment yet, so...”

Alex laughed, hands slowly finding their way to her wife’s jeans covered thighs, bringing her closer and never close enough.

“I think we can manage that.”

**

At twenty-eight years old, Sam could finally say her life was starting to feel like a life again. 

She got the so needed and pursued stability at, in her opinion, every aspect of her life. As much as anyone could, really. But to think that the girl who started college at twenty-one, with a four-year-old and a job to manage as well, would become the CFO of one of the biggest companies on the country. That wasn’t really on Sam’s plans.

Maybe that had much to do with the woman walking on the other side of Ruby, as they head back to the parking lot. Lena smiled at her as much as she could while still hanging onto every word dropped from her daughter’s mouth. Lena Luthor was not in Sam’s plans.

(She’s really glad she crashed into her life anyways.)

Sam did not fall for Lena Luthor right away, she had way too many things to worry before a romantic relationship and, even before that, finding someone who would be worthy presenting to Ruby. She just didn’t have the time. Nor the energy. And, back then, Lena was nothing but an eighteen-years-old, with a long-distance girlfriend.

And it started innocent enough. Lena was smart, funny, really kind and the one she got stuck with during a very large, very complicated assignment on their first semester. Lena was the one who met Ruby with a huge smile and a coo, while sitting down on the floor of Sam’s old apartment to play with her daughter on a Sunday evening after she got home from work and still had to work on their project.

Lena never judged. And the breath of fresh air got to Sam. Slowly. Because, every time, Sam would look at her wrist and see the flash of silver there, and once she was close enough to see the inscription. ( _I Really Do_ _Love_ _You – KD_ )

There was someone else and they both could use a friend. It wasn’t very hard to solve the equation.

Problem is: emotions were something we very much liked to think we control, while not having a single word of power over them.

Again, falling for Lena Luthor did not happen fast. Not, Sam would understand the emotion when she was reaching her twenty-sixth birthday and Lena no longer had a flash of silver on her wrist.

Once she understood, though, she fell. 

Hard.

A hand rested on hers, eyes leaving the window of the car long enough to see Lena trying to get her attention. She knew the road well enough after more than a year in the city, the same ride shared almost every day, the path that leads them to home.  _Home_. She smiled, she always did in private moments like these.

“Something on your mind?”

“I’m very lucky to have you.” It earned her a smile, a beautiful, tired one. “And I think you should take the weekend off to rest.”

Lena opened her mouth to reply, but Sam’s fingers were faster on squeezing the hand still on hers. She turned her palm up, fingers easily interlocking as they’ve been doing for the past two years.  _And a month_.

“Don’t “I can’t” me. You need to rest. I know the expansion of the league is taking much of your time, apart from L-Corp and CatCo”

“I have you for the last one, so it’s only two jobs.”

“Then, there’s Ruby as well. I know it will sound crazy, but I’m so glad you somehow manage everything because I wouldn’t change anything about this, because it brought Alex and Lucy closer. And you look happier, too.” She waited a second for Lena to register the words. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” She brought Sam’s hand to her lips, the lingering kiss doing nothing but speeding up her heart.

The rest of the ride was silent.

(Lena didn’t let go of her hand. 

She rarely did.)

**

Kara took her time getting to know the city. It was just as crowded during the days as it was at night, and Kara was finding it easier and easier to adjust to the city she knew next to nothing about. 

It didn’t take too long for her list of restaurants to start growing, nor the places she would like to visit and pass time in when not in practice. What took her more time than it should was finding an apartment. In Kara’s opinion, an apartment was a sacred place, one that should take too long to find because it would be, liking or not, the place she would spend most of her time in. Therefore, it should be a planned place, somewhere she felt comfortable in, especially because she planned on spend the next three years of her life in that place (she really hated moving out).

They just didn’t feel like home. Kara never entered one and saw herself nursing a nice home cooked meal on the couch after a particularly hard afternoon while reading a book, nor she saw herself cooking on the kitchen, nor she saw herself hanging paintings on the walls to make it feel like it was lived in. She didn’t see her soccer gear stored in a place nearby, she didn’t saw herself there.

Maybe, there was a slight possibility that the problem wasn’t on the place but on the lack of company. She was used to two or three bedrooms, the noises that never seemed to seize, the mess that was not only made by her, the smell of food and the sound of laughter. She was used to living with teammates, with crazy schedules like hers, and traveling, trips through the city. And even before that, there was Alex and Lucy around, there was her roommate in college.

And maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t something physical the apartments were missing. They were missing life.

That was not something Kara could demand.

A week passed. A week in which Kara already knew the places she wanted to go, and the best restaurants she could ask for, the best place to get her morning coffee or her favorite Chinese place. She knew where she would buy a car eventually, she knew how to get to the stadium they would be playing for the next years. She knew where her sister lived and worked. She just... hadn’t talked to them yet. And still hadn’t a place to live.

But her contract was finally signed (there was really no turning back now), her everyday clothes gave space to her soccer gear on her duffle bag and she would be leaving soon for forty-two days before coming back. The apartment could wait.

Her sister? Not so much.

**

Alex loved teaching. She loved seeing the faces of freshmen, amazed by every single word that she said, how they saw her as a role-model. Unfortunately, of course, that was just a small part of her students, most of them getting lost barely a minute after she opened her mouth.

Still, she loved every single part of it. Working late, office hours, taking work back home, midterms, finals, she even liked one of her TA’s, a sophomore a little too enthusiastic about Chem 20A. Most importantly, she loved the research they were developing there, financed, once more, by L-Corp.

(Alex really needed to tell Lena to stop spending her money.

She had a feeling Lena wouldn’t listen.

Again.)

But it was still winter break, which meant the campus was empty, saved by a few other professors who had the same idea as herself: use the peace and quiet they had to grade midterms and, of course, get the unbelievably good coffee from the little café at the entry. Without a line, for once.

She spent most of her day on the lab, she usually did. Leaving the apartment early in the morning, after a kiss on Lucy’s cheek, as she’s been doing since the year started, to spend the hours that led to lunch in her lab coat, until, finally, she went over her office (a small room, that managed to fit a desk and two chairs, besides a bookcase) and graded papers from the three classes she taught until it was time to leave.

Exactly as she was doing now. 

Her eyes hurt from reading for so long, red pen digging uncomfortably at her finger, no longer in a position she felt like writing. She set it down, then, fingers easily pressing at her eyes trying to ease the ache as they have done so many times in the past. She looked at her watch, 4:03pm, she should really start leaving if she wanted to make it on time for Ruby, then dinner with them and a bottle or two of wine at their house, as they caught up on the week. It was Friday, after all. 

The knock on her door came in form of a surprise as she was getting up from her chair, she mentally cursed before clearing her throat and asking them in. Alex didn’t exactly have many friends at the university, mostly colleagues she nodded at on her way to class and one or two she casually shared a coffee with. It was unexpected to say at least.

Who entered, though, was not a student, nor another professor and, most likely, it wasn’t Lucy either. Kara stood there, red and blue hoodie, the NCFC emblem proudly just over her heart, shy smile and back with her old glasses.

Kara, who was still supposed to be in France, for all she knew. Kara, who didn’t call her to let her know she was in National City, already. Kara, her sister, who she hadn’t seen in over five months.

“Hey.”

It clicked. Easily as if it was ready to do so many, many nights ago, and Alex remembered.  _Overseas player, coming back, not official. Overseas. Great news, fair amount. Overseas._  Alex felt stupid for not thinking about it earlier.

But the team’s hoodie covering her sister’s frame was enough. She wrapped her arms around Kara and held her tight. They didn’t need to share words.

**

 _I can’t make it today_ , Lucy got the text when she was already sitting on the same bleacher, at the same place she usually sat when she would wait for Alex to arrive. She frowned, Alex never missed it, usually being even earlier than herself and Sam, but there she was, sitting alone and waiting for one less person this afternoon.

She sighed, before putting her phone away. It was Ruby time, as the girl liked to call, and she would have Alex at night nevertheless, over a glass of wine and their best friends together.

**

The news was released at the beginning of the evening, when Lucy was standing by the kitchen counter, chopping vegetables and Lena was by her side getting the meat ready. Sam was long gone, the promise to take Ruby to see her grandmother being fulfilled, which left the night for herself, Lena and Alex.

Alex who still hadn’t replied. (Is everything okay?) And wasn’t home when they arrived past seven pm. It got her worried, of course, but Lena was there and said that she would call the university to make sure Alex had left if she wasn’t home in the next hour or so.

Her phone chimed in. Multiple times. But, only a look at the screen showed her it was from the group chat she had with a few other teammates she had already met, no Alex. She dried her hands, when the screen wouldn’t stop lighting up, and it took her one message, just one, to realize what it meant.

( _Welcome, Superstar_ )

With one thought in mind, she opened CatCo’s site. She didn’t need to scroll any lower. Because it was the newest article, and Kara Danvers’ face was smiling at her as she shook hands with Hank Henshaw, her coach (well,  _their_ coach, apparently), while sporting the number ten jersey. From National City FC.

“Did you know?” 

Lucy thought the question was stupid as soon as she made it. Of course Lena wouldn’t know about it, she tried to stay as far as she could from Kara, not that she would ever admit to it. To the questioning gaze she received, she only showed Lena the phone and watched, and watched, and watched.

The reaction never came. Instead, Lena seemed to just have frozen, hand stilling its movement with the spoon. 

“Shit.” It was so low, Lucy started thinking she had imagined it. Suddenly, gone was the Lena she was used to seeing, her light and easygoing demeanor shifting to something else, something mechanical, unnatural. She went back to stirring the contents of the pan before saying “I’m sure this will be a great addition to the team.”

It was over for her, Lucy didn’t agree on that as much. But she knew Lena for ten years now, and she knew, once she put something on her mind, nothing in the world could change it.  _Drop it, please_ , was unspoken, but heard.

(Maybe it was how they found themselves in this situation all along, because there was this time Lena made a choice, and neither Lucy nor Alex were able to change it. Somehow, they ended up here.)

Lucy put the phone down, ignoring the still going messages on the group, picked up the knife she was using and the sound of keys and the ever so present creak of the hinge whenever the front door was open filled the silence once installed on the apartment. Lena looked up at the source of the sound, she did the same.

_Alex, please, no._

_Not now. Just, not now._

Luck really wasn’t on their side.

**

Lena remembered the last time she saw Kara Danvers in person.

Well, it wasn’t something she was very proud of. Or something she liked to think about. 

Last time they saw each other could be resumed as rough thrusts, drunken kisses and anger. So much anger. Kara had looked beautiful, in a white button up, grey vest matching the tailored pants and black dress shoes. She was sure back then that she could’ve fallen in love all over again for the woman.

The sentiment lasted until Kara wouldn’t look her in the eyes, even as they sat at the same table, almost face to face to one another. Lena tried to reach out, to initiate conversation, but all Kara would give her were cold stares and a pull at the corner of her lips every now and then. 

She had excused herself twenty minutes later to find Winn and James at another table. (She went to the bar, scotch, neat.)

Maybe that was the moment things started going wrong. Maybe she should’ve stopped before she let the anger inside her grow. Maybe she should’ve stopped before all she could look at was Kara. And her stupid smile. And her stupid face. And her stupid arms. And her beautiful, kissable lips. Maybe she should’ve stopped before Kara noticed she couldn’t tear her gaze away. Maybe she should’ve stopped before Kara dragged her away from the reception and into one of the bathrooms, pinning her against the door and fucking her until she forgot how to breathe.

Kara had left. Not only Lena at the bathroom, trying to regain her senses and remember how to stand in her own two legs, but also the wedding.

They didn’t share a word.

Lena left Portland the next morning, only to fall in bed with the one and only Samantha Arias for the first (and, eventually, not last) time in her life. The pattern repeated for months until Lena didn’t think about Kara Danvers anymore.

And, when that happen, she and Sam started dating.

The ring in her finger was proof that it was serious enough, even if it hadn’t started that way for Lena. 

Now, Kara Danvers stood in all her five-foot eight glory, hands tucked inside the front pockets of her jeans, an easy smile as if they didn’t have history together and those damn glasses Lena was sure she would never have to face personally again. (She was wrong. She was really, really wrong.)

Lena’s heart stopped. Later, she would over analyze it, later she would think about what it meant, when she was alone in her office, when no one was supposed to be working and the lie to Sam would scape easier because of the couple of glasses of red wine. But this was for later. Right now, all she could feel was the sickness at the top of her stomach, one single thought in mind.  _Run._

Lucy had reached Alex’s side, hand at the bicep from the arm which's hand still gripped tightly at the doorknob. Back straight, she took a step back from the stove, rounded the countertop and collect her handbag from the couch, along with her coat, safely tucked at the crook of her elbow, eyes set on the floor, she went back to walking. 

“I’m sorry, Lucy, I should go. Thank you, again, for having me here.”

“Lena.”

With long strides, she crossed the space that separate her from breathing again, heels clicking against the hard floor. When old sneakers appeared, she willed herself to continue, but she was only human.

Her eyes betrayed her, neck accompanying the movement, body begging to go forward, to be wrapped once more at the familiar set of arms, to be involved by the scent. It didn’t happen (it couldn’t happen), she just looked up, at the same blue eyes she had already stared so many nights in her life, the same eyes who were once comfort and now it brought nothing but pain to her.

(That was a lie, and she knew it. She was just too afraid of admitting that, after it all, she felt nothing but peace when looking at them.)

And Kara’s mouth was open, hand surging forward towards her forearm. Lena wanted nothing more than to let the touch soothe her, but she also remembered the anger and pain from their last encounter, how it wasn’t soothing nor peaceful. It was still too vivid.

“Lena, I...”

“Have a nice evening.” She left before Kara had the chance to continue.

The ring around her fourth finger from her left hand burning against her skin. She walked faster.

_Run._

And if she fell in bed, later that night, and urged Sam a little rougher, she convinced herself it wasn’t the same. She was not going back to old habits to forget. She wasn’t.  _She wasn’t._

 _She wasn’t because it wasn’t the same._ She felt the ring and Sam’s lips.  _I’m not doing this because of her._  And she begged for Sam and anything she would give her.  _She was older, now, capable of dealing with inconveniences in healthy ways._  And she delighted herself on the burning crescendo at her stomach.

 _Not the same._  She used her fist to stop the scream she felt scaping her throat.

 _Not the same._  She arched her torso of the bed, hands trying to grab as much as she could to keep her there, in their moment.

 _Not the same._  And she willed the tears back to place before they could leave her eyes.

 _Not the same,_  she repeated over and over, as she came back, because the more she repeated it, the more she started to believe it.

**

“I’m sorry for overreacting.” 

It was how Lena started the next time they saw each other, which meant Alex was sitting at one of the extremely uncomfortable chairs at Lena’s office as they shared quiet lunch after two in the afternoon, and Alex was done for the day.

“I was caught off guard.”

“We all were.”

Alex tried to find her gaze, but Lena seemed to have something else in mind. Some things in mind, to be honest. And her eyes stared longing at the city below her through the window, it didn’t take a genius, which Alex was very close to, to realize Lena was only present there in the flesh. Everything else, not so much.

Alex was just afraid Lena would lose herself in her own memories, they were too many and too painful for her to deal alone. She was afraid Lena would hurt again. Because she might not be family by the law, but Alex would be lying if she said she didn’t see Lena as a little sister. And everyone knew just how much Lena needed that for the past years. 

Family. A concept Lena never truly had, apart from glimpses from her brother and father, before it all went away. Then, Lena gained a whole new one. In Alex, Lucy, Eliza, Sam, Ruby, (Kara). She would be damned if she let Lena get hurt again.

“You know you’ll have to talk eventually, right?”

“Guess that’s a problem for future me.”

Lena smiled, Alex laughed. 

**

Lucy hated planes. That was something not many people knew about her. Maybe she could count a handful of people who were still a regular part of her life who cared enough to learn this about herself.

She hated not being able to know how far they were from the ground, how high they were going, how fast they were. Logically, she knew all of the answers to the questions. Thing is, she didn’t have the proportion of it.

Most of all, she hated turbulence. 

Her grip on her thigh tightened, knuckles turning white as the pressure increased. The plane shook again. (She would kill for two fingers of whiskey right now to calm her down. John would kill her as soon as she touched Orlando.)

She managed without her drink (barely) and her eyes swept over the list of roommates once she got at the hotel. She quickly found her name, then Kara’s and all she could think was that a rookie would be changing rooms. She and Kara had a lot to talk about and the years hadn’t changed Lucy’s abilities of extracting information from Kara.

No amount of time could ever change that.

**

_“Why did you come back now, Kara?”_

_“It was time.”_

_“Kara.”_

_“No, Alex, listen, it’s good for my_ _career_ _, okay? Europe is great and all and it made me realize we have the obligation of making it grow_ here _. It’s the least I can do to the place who made me who I am today, it’s time I start giving back.”_

_Silence. Alex looked up at her sister sitting at the chair_ _opposite_ _from her on her office._

_“You read about it, didn’t you?”_

_“Alex.”_

_“Don’t lie to me, please. I now you believe_ _in_ _what you just said, but you forget that I also know you. You could’ve gone anywhere, but you chose here, so have the decency of telling me the truth.”_

_“I just needed to make sure she’s happy.”_

_“She is.”_

_“I needed to see.”_

_“To make her change her mind?”_

_“No! Okay, no! I need her to be happy and, if she is, I won’t interfere, Alex.”_

_“And if she isn’t?”_

_Kara gave her sister a self-_ _depreciating_ _smile._

_“Guess we won’t have to find out, since she is.”_

(If the conversation with Lucy went the same, it was no one’s fault.

Kara was just that easy to read.)

**

Mike Matthews was an actor from California’s C-list. (He could be from the B-list if you squinted hard enough and gave him a part where he would need the emotional development of a jellyfish.) And Kara met him in her long stay at England while he filmed an indie movie she never got around to watch.

But he was available, good-looking enough, didn’t seem to want something serious and the sex was decent (that because Kara couldn’t bring herself to be harsh on anyone). 

So, when she got the text he was promoting the new series he was in forty minutes away, she didn’t think twice before going. She had little more than two free hours before having to go back to camp. It was more than enough.

**

When Sam was younger, she had planned the perfect life ahead, like, probably, every child of her own age. She had planned growing up, high school, her first boyfriend, college, her second and last boyfriend who would turn into her fiancé and finally her husband, graduation, her house, her family.

It was only natural progression in the eyes of an eleven-year old with a well-structured middle-class household. 

At fourteen she had her first crush. It would’ve been amazing as everything she planned started falling into place. It would’ve been perfect if the hair she urged to run her hands through and lips she ached to kiss didn’t belong to the fifteen-year old redhead in her biology class. If it didn’t belong to the one and only Beverly Carson,  _daughter_  of the man who would eventually become her physics teacher.

So, her plans weren’t going as she thought they would. It was only a silly crush, of course, it would go away in a few months and everything would go back to place, simple as that. 

It became less simple when, at her sophomore year, Sam started running track, her height and breath control making coach’s eyes shine since her freshman P.E classes. And she stood tall in the middle of the track, in a tight white top and running shorts, her crush locked away at the most hidden spot in her heart, when she first caught a glimpse of red hair and heard that beautiful laugh, the skirt of the cheerleader outfit swinging with every step.

Sam had had a whole summer, but nothing had prepared herself for that. Her heart dropped, and she understood then, it was not going away. Not soon, anyways.

She could not place how it started, but she remembered stolen kisses in the locker room, soft touches and shared looks from across the hall. She remembered the fluttering at her stomach and how her heart seemed to warm at her presence. At fifteen, that meant love for her.

At fifteen, she got her heart broken for the first time and she had no one to talk about it. Because, the one girl she could talk to, was the same girl, with freckles and blue eyes, who just appeared one day at school holding a Junior’s hand in hers, her first boyfriend, the power couple. And it was in a fog of bitterness that she found herself a boyfriend. 

After one year and four months dating, Sam got pregnant and he left. Simple like that. And her mother left. Simple like that. And she dropped out. Simple like that.

At eighteen, she had a baby in her arms and a one room apartment in a not so friendly neighborhood and a not so bad job in an instruments store. She managed. And she finished her high school and started taking an online degree. 

Her decision of actually going back to a university came in an impulse. But she was in, and she still had a job and a kid. But she did it. (She always did.) 

Sam would be lying if she said she noticed Lena Luthor right away. In all honesty, she didn’t know the girl was in her class until they got paired up and her eyes swept the room in search for an unknown face. 

The moment she set in green eyes and bright smile was nothing like Beverly Carson. It was the furthest from it. She didn’t think about how it would feel to let her fingers slip through silk dark black hair, or the feeling of the weight of her hand, or the warmth from her lips. All Sam could think was going back home, to her daughter. It didn’t mean she was blind to how beautiful Lena was, far from it as well. She just had a dozen of other things she had to worry before she could think about a girl that she would only see for a semester.

Lena didn’t leave. And Ruby loved her. Her hands didn’t sweat around Lena. A semester turned into two, and four, and eight. Suddenly, there wasn’t a day without her. She never got nervous around Lena.

They were there for each other; the countless times Sam couldn’t find a sitter and her neighbor couldn’t watch over Ruby, somehow Lena fit. In the apartment three times bigger than her own, but with walls as naked as hers, Sam found herself dropping of Ruby more often than not, until not leaving Ruby with Lena was not an option.

Now, she stood tall in front of the full body mirror in their bedroom, fingers moving steadily to put on her earrings, navy blue dress flowing just right until the middle of her thighs.

“We’re going to be late.” She heard the voice from the doorway, where Lena leaned against the wall. Sam turned around to face her, taking a step forward on instinct. “But now I think we should just not go.”

“Why’s that, Miss Luthor?”

Lena sighed and, even in the poorly lit room, Sam could see how Lena’s eyes went down her body, taking just a second longer in her hips. She smiled, took a step closer.

“I think there are better things we could do.”

“I’ve been waiting for two months to go to that restaurant, I’m going with or without you.”

“But...”

“Then, we’re coming back and I don’t intend on letting you touch the paperwork I saw you sneaking into the house earlier.”

The laugh was light, crimson painted lips doing the perfect curve to elicit a delightful sound. Hands gripped at her waist, urging her closer, and, even without her heels, Lena could barely reach her mouth. She left dark red lipstick at her jaw instead.

“We agreed we should have weekly date nights.”

“I know, I don’t regret seeing you dress up for me. I regret having to leave the house when you look like that.”

Sam rolled her eyes before leaning down to place a chaste, long kiss to her lips.

“Come on, we’re getting later.”

Maybe Sam’s life wasn’t how she planned it to be seventeen years ago. It was better. There was no doubt about that.

**

_Approaching the final stage of the competition, the unstoppable duo Lucy and Kara Danvers shows with every passing minute how in_ _sync_ _they are on and off the field._

_The pair post pictures of game nights in each other's rooms, shared lunches and, of course, good bickering over Twitter. On the outside, they seem as the perfect friends we all came to the conclusion they are, and that connection seems to find its way into the field as they carry the United States into another_ _Olympics_ _._

_With every day, National City Football Club’s future seems brighter in its debut season._

Nia Nal, Junior Reporter from CatCo Worldwide Media – February.

**

 “Please, Sam, it’s one weekend.”

_“Alex, no.”_

 “Ruby, come beg for your mom with me.”

“Mom, please, Lena already said yes.”

_“It’s the middle of your semester, Ruby.”_

“It’s one weekend!”

“Just one, mom.”

 _“Lena is okay with this, right?”_ A sigh.  _“Okay...”_

“Yes!”

_“If, you promise you’ll call and do the homework you’re_ _assigned_ _and you can only miss one day of school, so it’s either Friday or Monday.”_

“Thank you, mom!”

“We leave Saturday morning, and we’ll get back with Lucy on Monday evening. Thank you for letting me do this for her, Sam.”

_“Thank you f_ _or_ _doing it, Alex.”_

**

If there was something Lena discovered by living with Sam for the past fourteen months was that the woman knew how to be sneaky, to say at least.

It came with no surprise, really. It was only the natural progression of the situation they found themselves in. She should’ve been waiting for it, but maybe it was the stress from all the work she’s been doing for the past week and the lack of time she had to spend to relax and recharge. Maybe, it was a combination of her personal and professional life.

There were too many maybes and not enough answers. 

Lena sipped at her coffee and swiped to the next e-mail.

There was a time, not long ago, that her Saturday mornings would be spent in bed, and lazy kisses and whispered words creating a world just for them. It wasn’t that long ago. Or maybe two and a half years passed without Lena realizing it. 

Because it was then, when Lena found herself too tired to leave Sam’s bed in the dawn of the day, and she found just a little too much comfort on the weight of the arm draped around her waist and the rhythm of her heartbeat against her back. Two and a half years since the beginning of being too busy to stay in bed after seven am on a weekend. Of being too busy to have a normal life outside her work. Of being the CEO of a company that carried her family’s name as she tried to go back to being the true owner of it.

(She had managed it, at the beginning of the past year she owned 51.6% of the shares from L-Corp, because once she set her mind on something, nothing could change it.

And when Cat Grant left, she stepped in to own the biggest part of CatCo.)

It only meant she had double of work. Triple, if you considered she owned 35% of the local soccer team. That being said, a hundred-sixty-eight hours a week were not even close enough to the amount of work she had to do in seven days. 

The fact that the phone was snatched away from her hands didn’t help. Lena let out a tiny whimper of protest that was cut short when she spun the stool she was seated and was met with Sam in nothing but red lace.

“Fuck.”

“We should.” 

Sam took a step closer, resting the phone screen down on top of the wooden counter, as her other hand surged forward to the inside of one of Lena’s thigh. The message was clear enough and, in little to none time, Sam placed herself in between Lena’s legs. 

“We have the house to ourselves.” Head dipped down so lips could run against the shell of Lena’s ear. And she couldn’t help how her hand went towards the expanse of exposed flesh of her girlfriend’s (fiancée’s) waist, fingers applying just enough pressure. “And I have every intention of calling in sick on Monday. Bet I can make you join me.”

Lena placed a kiss at the last rib on Sam’s right side, watched as the skin broke into goosebumps and smiled innocently up.

“You know that I’m still your boss and you shouldn’t talk like this to me, right?”

“You can be the boss out here, but we all know you’re the bottom.”

She laughed, grasped the opportunity of nipping at the sensitive flesh of Sam’s hip bone as a loud hiss was emitted. 

“I hate you.”

Hands moved from the inside of her thighs until they met her own and pulled her up from the stool. Sam kissed her, short, simple, sure, and Lena didn’t want to let go.

“I hate you too.” Another kiss. “Now, come on, we have a very comfortable bed.”

“Too far. Couch is closer.”

They didn’t make into the couch either. 

**

Ruby loved soccer. She couldn’t exactly place a point in her life in which her passion began, but once it was there, no one could take it from her. Maybe it was when Lucy Danvers got into her life, but that wasn’t so long ago, a little over two years passed since then. 

It meant she should go back further in time, to a place she didn’t remember much, most of her memories from the time being from what she heard her mother saying. Because, to go all that way back, meant going when it was only herself and her mother. And then... Lena.

Because, honestly, Ruby couldn’t remember a moment in her life where Lena wasn’t with them. Maybe she was far too young before the woman came into their lives, or maybe she just didn’t want to remember since now was so perfect. And harder she tried to remember, the more convinced she felt that this passion of hers had everything to do with five-foot six of, probably, the second most amazing woman she’s ever met.

Maybe it started when she was too young to understand what was happening as she sat down next to Lena to try and watch the low-quality games on Lena’s laptop. The games weren’t that good, it was probably the only thing she remembered clearly from that time, but it was something they grew up doing.

And then, years later, Lena stopped. They didn’t watch the games sitting on the floor and hunched over the small screen. They shared the couch as she watched professionals play. It was the first time she recognized they were watching games from different teams, not the same one every week.

Now, she sat down at a stadium, the atmosphere so unusual from what she was expecting. It took her eleven years to enter one, but Alex was the one at her side as they wore matching jerseys with Lucy’s number on the back.

She smiled, even though she wanted Lena here with her. She understood her motives, it didn’t mean she didn’t want it.

But as the teams entered, her thoughts were taken to the back of her mind, and she got up to cheer for her country. Alex only smiled before joining her.

If their throats hurt by the end of two hours and they could barely stay up, it was totally worth it.

**

The second time they saw each other, Lena liked to think she was much more... civil.

When Kara entered the apartment right after Alex, hair down, black and white checked shirt tucked inside what Lena thought were the tightest pair of dark jeans she’s ever seen, she barely spared a glace over the half wall that separated the kitchen from the living room.

Sam kissed her exposed shoulder, grabbing the two glasses of wine to take to Lucy and Alex, but she made no move to leave. Lena looked at her, saw the question in her eye, words burning her tongue on the urge to be let out.

“It’s okay. I promise.”

It was all it took, before she left. And Lena could hear the distinct sound of laughter, and the excited voice coming from Ruby. It wasn’t hard to focus on the conversation as she went back to retrieve another glass and another bottle, they (she) would need it for the night.

_I’m Sam, Lena’s fiancée, and this Ruby, our daughter._

And it took them a while to get there, but she was in Ruby’s life for over seven years, and she’s been with Sam for over three, unofficially. It wasn’t really a surprise once they told Ruby, she took upon herself to make sure that was where things were going. 

She wouldn’t trade it for the world.

_Kara Danvers, I’m, uh, Alex’s sister._

_Can you believe it, mom? No_ _w I have the best forward and the best midfielder to help me!_

_Rubes, sweetie, you shouldn’t assume, I’m sorry Kara._

_It’s okay, really, it would be my pleasure._

Lena cleared her throat, walking into the living room and placing the wine glass on Sam’s hand, a light kiss was placed on her cheek.

“Do you drink red, Kara?” She surprised herself, not by asking, but by not having her voice quavering at every word, by not feeling so hard to get the words out, by actually looking up and towards the woman in front of her.

In a space of a couple of seconds, she saw how Kara seemed to steel herself to face the inevitable. It took some of her nerves away, knowing she wasn’t the only one who had a hard time going around.

But the way Kara transformed in front of her eyes was something else. She squared her shoulders, back straight, as hands came to find her front pockets, an easy smile at the corner of her lips, a smile that couldn’t quite reach her eyes. And she could’ve fooled anyone. Well, anyone who wasn’t her. Or Alex. Or Lucy. 

She watched in awe as they girl she once knew became someone else entirely, a new personality to match how she developed physically over the years. Kara was, well, stronger, with broad shoulders and, with her rolled up sleeves, she could see the definition on her forearms. She could bet it was the same underneath her shirt as well.

_Shit. Don’t go there._

“I don’t” she reached up to scratch the back of her neck, Lena saw how the muscles moved under her tanned skin, eyes snapped back into blue “I never got into drinking, actually. Once was enough.”

_I remember._

“Alex should have something here that isn’t alcoholic.”

“I don’t!”

“I’ll order something, don’t worry about me.”

Later, as she sat down, under the arm of the woman she loved, she dared to look at Kara’s direction, as she sat on the floor next to Ruby and, every once in a while, leaned to the side to whisper something that made the girl giggle.

Kara never looked at her.

Lena couldn’t decide what hurt more.

**

_Meeting Kara Danvers for the first time was, to say as_ _a_ _euphemism, a blast. The twenty-six years old midfielder radiated energy from her, all charming, disarming smiles, light conversation that could put anyone at ease._

_The list of_ _achievements_ _by such a young player can only be compared, by the top of my head, to the city’s newest striker Lucy Danvers, and, yes, you read it correctly, the list of_ _accomplishments_ _is not the only thing_ _these two share: Lucy Danvers, who will be wearing the number twenty for the next season, is married to no other than her college sweetheart and long life friend Alex Danvers, bioengineering professor at NC University, who just seems to be Kara Danvers’ sister._

_Seemed as if Kara had everything to be on top of the world right now, knowing that she is one of (if not, the), best player of the country right now. Instead, you are met with_ _a_ _humble woman, who doesn’t seem to let the weight of what she already_ _conquered_ _get to her._

_Kara Danvers downplays her part on winning the FIFA’s World Cup almost two years ago by saying, and I quote, “I only did my best to play when I could, the team did the rest, which they would’ve done with or without me on field. I was just a kid back then, I still am_ _one inside the field, I’m pretty young compared to the others_ _, if you think about it for too long, they were kind enough to give me a chance to show what I could do and I’m glad I could do something about it.” She ended the tournament with two goals on the group stage (a brace on the last game, scored in less than thirty minutes on the field), fifteen minutes on the round of 16, twenty-two on the quarter finals (enough to earn her an assist), available through the semifinals and twelve minutes on the final (again, enough for a goal and an assist). A superstar indeed._

_On her three and a half years as a professional player, all the seasons passed as an international player on Europe, Kara has much to say. The player starred in Lyon (France, signed, 6 months before loan, then 15 months before deciding to come back to US), Manchester City (England, loan, 12 months) and Barcelona FC (Spain, loan, 6 months). She jokes about gaining almost eighteen pounds when she first arrived at Lyon, how she didn’t have much space for being barely twenty-two at the time, how Barcelona is a place she would like to go back eventually because “the people are really warm there”,_ _how it_ _took her almost two months to find an apartment and a car since nothing felt “homie” enough,_ _and how she cannot speak French to save her life even after one year and a half (unless, of course, it’s to order food, then we have a whole other story)._

_“I went to Europe so soon because I felt like I still had a_ _lot_ _to learn and that was the best path I could take. I’m happy I chose that. But, after three years, I feel like I developed what I had to, I still have a lot to learn and I think, at this moment, the knowledge is going to come from here.”, she answered when asked about why coming back now, before adding: “Well, that’s what you’re_ _gonna_ _put on the interview, it’s the answer they want. Truth is: Lucy asked me to.” So, thank you, Lucy Danvers. Kara left Europe with two titles with Lyon, one with Manchester and two with Barcelona._

_On the upcoming Olympics, she doesn’t say much, downplays the favoritism the press keeps putting on the current World Champions, especially after such a_ _formidable performance during the Qualifiers._ _Every game is different in her eyes, there’s no better team, there is the team who is more tactical and who doesn’t commit too many mistakes during the game. The team who doesn’t give the opportunity to be attacked._

_At the mention of Lucy Danvers, Kara’s whole face lit up. She_ _launches_ _on tales about Lucy during her high school days and even one or two from college. “She was unstoppable, and I just got lucky I was there for the ride. We only played for a year together, apart from the national team, but, before seeing her play, I never wanted to step on a field. She made the player I am today and, a connection like that, it doesn’t go away with time or distance.”_

_That was something we were able to see. Kara ended the Qualifiers with four assists and three goals, as Lucy left with two assists and landed amazing eight goals._

_The regular season starts this weekend, the first game of the history of the team being a home game against last_ _season’s_ _runner-up Gotham._

_Are they the future of the newest team on the league? Only time can tell. But, if the past is anything to go by, National City FC is in good hands. Or, you know, feet._

Nia Nal, Junior Reporter from CatCo Worldwide Media – March.

**

National City’s population took upon themselves to support the first home match of their team. Which meant the bright red that detailed their home kit and their shield was seen just as much as the navy blue, the color Lucy wore as she sat on the locker room, hands steadily working on lacing her cleats. 

She found the fluttering on her chest a welcomed distraction. Lucy couldn’t place the last game she played without her nerves, she had the strong belief that, if that day ever came, it would be the time she retired. Because the moment that stepping on the field didn’t make her nervous to give her best, it would mean she didn’t care anymore, continuing after that wouldn’t make sense.

Her teammates seemed to have the same thoughts as her. 

The number twenty at her right thigh caught her attention, the number she’s been wearing for all of her career, she smiled despised the nerves. It couldn’t have been a very comforting sight.

(“You couldn’t have chosen a jersey with a little less history?”

“You were the one who picked the ten, Superstar.”)

Kara sat down with a huff by her side, hair up in a tight ponytail, thin blue pre-wrap keeping it in place, black wristband on her right arm. They didn’t share words as the last minutes before the season officially began passed, they didn’t have to, they’ve been on this very same place over and over again. They would click, like they always had.

With one pat on Kara’s back, Lucy got up, readjusted the captain armband on her bicep and went to stand first in line.

The moment they stepped onto the field, Lucy gathered how much the city had embraced them. There wasn’t a single vacant spot on their stadium, an ocean of navy blue, flags with their shield being waved from side to side.

Twenty years ago, when this all started, Lucy couldn’t imagine leading up to this. Somehow, nothing else felt right.

As the same way she used to do to look for her sister when she first started, her eyes scanned the crowd, now, like it’s been for the past years, her eyes looked for a flash of short red hair. It should’ve been impossible to find her, but Alex sat at the closest seat to the field possible, right behind their bench.

There was a sequence of her jersey next to her, until it stopped on Ruby, standing and showing, proudly, the number ten on her chest. The sight calmed her down.

When the whistle first blew, she didn’t have to think anymore.

**

Kara remembered the first time she saw Lena wearing her last name on her back.

It felt like a lifetime ago, when all she had to worry about was getting ready for her game and if the girl she liked, liked her back. Simpler times. Times Kara would die to go back to. But, maybe, this was the place she needed to be.

And, as she heard the final whistle of her first game, she didn’t have to think twice before opening her arms and holding a very excited Lucy Danvers, the woman of the match with both goals, one coming from her assist, on her arms as she threw her fist up in the air, a loud cheer leaving her lips. 

Later, when they were ready to leave, stadium pitch black, match over for a couple of hours already, Kara would freeze while walking, because right in front of her was something she never thought she would see again. Their group was gathered around Lucy’s car, but there was only one person she could see. There was only one person every time.

Lena’s hair was swept over her right shoulder, back exposed directly to Kara’s field of vision, and  _Danvers_  was written in white letters. She would stop dead in her tracks, Lucy barely glancing her way before understanding, then one thought would come to her mind.

 _Wrong number._ Twenty. _Not the right_ Danvers.

Later that would happen, and Kara would be crushed in her sister’s hug alongside with Lucy, who would soon be held by Sam and Lena, while Kara was left to talk to Ruby. She too would win something, as they stepped back, Lena glanced her way with an uncertain smile, fingers interlocked with her fiancée’s.

( _Fiancée_ _._

_Wrong_ _number._

_Twenty._

_Fiancée._ )

 _Great game, Kara._ And Kara would thank her.

Later, all of that would happen, the exact same order. But that was something for the future.

Right now, she and Lucy had a locker room celebration to command.

**

_Rising star, Mike_ _Matthews,_ _was_ _spotted_ _leaving star player Kara Danvers’ apartment minutes after midnight last Tuesday. This was not the first time the (maybe) couple was seen together, but they only now made_ _their_ _first_ _appearance_ _since Kara came back from Europe._

_Through her year stay in England, they were seen together in multiple_ _occasions, while the_ _actor_ _wrapped_ _up his debut on the big screen_ _,_ _from simple brunches to romantic dinners in the best restaurants in Manchester._

_A close friend from Mike confirms his building relationship with the national soccer star in a simple statement: “Yes, they’ve been together for a few months officially.”_

_Maybe the couple will come forward about the relationship soon?_

Nia Nal, Junior Reporter from CatCo Worldwide Media – April.

**

The morning after that, Kara broke up whatever they had going on.

(“His name really is Mike Matthews?”

“Yes, Alex.”

“And you are dating?”

“Were. And no, we were just sleeping together.”

“Disgusting.”

“You asked.”)

**

“Should we be worried about Kara?”

The question came at a boring night in, when all of Lucy’s muscles hurt from training and she still had a bruise at her thigh from the last game (it really should’ve been a red, not a yellow and a warning). Alex shared the couch with her, occupying, of course, just a small part of its extension as Lucy’s feet were popped up on her lap.

Alex put down her book, her other hand stilling around Lucy’s foot and she had to suppress a laugh at the low whine she let out. Lucy tried to lean against her forearms, but decided against it as soon as her abs hurt from the movement.

Hank was really killing them. It was so worth it.

“What do you mean, Lucy?”

“Are we really ignoring the fact that she came back because she has this small hope that Lena might still be in love with her and willing to let go of everything she built over the past years to be with Kara again?”

“I honestly got lost after ten words.”

Lucy laughed out loud, Alex’s hand moved upward toward Lucy’s calf and squeezed it. The laugh turned into a low moan.

“Honestly, Alex. What do you think Kara is expecting?”

“I don’t know.” Her fingers found the back of Lucy’s knee, book closed and put on the ground to be forgotten. “She promised me she wouldn’t get in the way of Lena’s happiness. She’s my sister, I have to believe her.”

“Do you have to or do you want to?”

“Both.”

Lucy had the answer ready at the tip of her tongue, with Alex she usually did, but she found herself at loss of words when a warm hand rested on the inside of her jean-covered thigh.

With a glare, Lucy moved her own hand to cover her wife’s, fingers dancing against the soft skin.

“Do we really have to keep talking about my sister?”

“Do you have something else in mind, Mrs. Danvers?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

“I can barely move, Alex.”

“Bold of you to assume I would let you do anything tonight, love.”

Lucy’s laugh was covered with soft lips. She couldn’t help but smile. 

**

_Old habits die hard._

It was the only thought on Kara’s mind as she stepped into her darkened loft. She hated her first weeks on it, it was always cold without the warmth from other people on the same space and the visual of being lived in. Now, she welcomed the silence that surrounded her.

The walls were painted in fading white (she would someday convince Lucy and Alex to come help her paint it), the number of books and magazines she owned weren’t enough to fill half of the bookshelf, the only family picture she had left was the one from Alex’s wedding, the same one that was folded to keep Lena out of it. 

It was the only indication it was home. It was Kara’s. 

But as she walked further inside, hands quickly throwing away her soccer gear in order to flick the lights on. It only brought the image of not home harder into her eyes. 

Her hair was still wet after leaving the locker room with a quick shower, but she couldn’t be bothered by that as she laid down on her bed. The ceiling also needed painting. Sometimes, she wondered why she got a loft she hated so much, just to change what she was used to.

That night wasn’t one of that nights.

That night was one of the bad nights.

And, suddenly, she was twenty-two again, recently acquisition of a European club, in a place she couldn’t even understand the language, and two roommates struggling to communicate. Kara had loved every single minute of it. But old habits die hard, Kara was living proof of that. Because, at twenty-two, it was still too recent, it still hurt too much. And she was a kid, as she still is in some ways, and didn’t understand how unhealthy certain things could be. 

Or maybe she did, and chose to ignore it. She didn’t know which one was worst.

Like keeping the only material thing from her ex-girlfriend that she still had from their failing relationship on the bottom drawer of her nightstand.

That night, Kara was twenty-two again and back in France and she took out the wristband, fingers running smoothly over the inscription. 

That night, Kara was twenty-three again and back in Spain and pressed the cold metal on her palm, waiting for it to get warmer and warmer, until it dug painfully against her skin.

That night, Kara was twenty-three again and back in England and she took the wristband to her forehead, eyes closing and heart clenching.

She was twenty-six that night, and the only difference was that the tears didn’t come. Lena was happy, after all, and, behind everything, it was all Kara ever wanted. She would defend Lena’s happiness no matter what, even if it wasn’t with herself.

Because that’s what you did when you loved someone as much as she loved Lena. Because, she did. There hadn’t been a day since Kara stepped into her old High School back in freshman year that she hadn’t been in love with Lena Luthor. Maybe there was no getting over Lena. Maybe. But she understood she had to move on with her life, same as Lena had done so magnificently well.

Just how she did everything else in her life.

 _Maybe it is time to heal_ , Kara thought to herself.

Unfortunately, to go forwards, sometimes they had to go back.

In this case, going back meant hurting a lot, inevitably hurting Lena as well in the process. 

Kara truly hoped Lena would understand.

Kara truly hoped Lena would realize how much the conversation was going to hurt her. Maybe just as much as it would hurt Lena.

She was so unprepared for that.

**

_With the end of the first half of the season approaching, we managed to grasp some conclusion from the team. With an experienced front line, the team leads the scoreboard. On the other hand, the lack of games against great players seems to be taking its_ _toll_ _on the backline. NCFC is the fourth team that most conceived goals in the competition._

_It doesn’t seem to bother Kara Danvers, USWNT player and co-captain alongside with fellow national teammate Lucy Danvers, that said “We’re improving and working very hard to get better and better. The first season of a team is very hard and I feel like we’re building_ _a_ _unity, a solid one, and once that happens, we plan on being unstoppable.” at the end of last weekend’s 2-2 draw with Star City._

_Even with_ _a_ _mostly unstable and insecure backline, the team shows its strength on the field and how heavy National City is investing on women’s soccer. NCFC stands third place, a highly acclaimed accomplish to a slow building squad._

_The playoffs are the goal, it doesn’t mean that it’s all our team plans on doing. With a great first season, so far,_ _our_ _players, alongside with the_ _investors_ _, promise so much more for the future._

Nia Nal, Junior Reporter from CatCo Worldwide Media – May.

**

Lena Luthor was late.

Only, this time, she was really late.

She wasn’t running in high heels in the well-known grass field, where she knew just when to take a step to the left to avoid a whole and a sprained ankle. No, she wasn’t late for Ruby’s soccer practice every Tuesday and Friday afternoon, because this particular Friday, she had already missed it.

Lena Luthor was late to go to her own home, to host girl’s night with a normal amount of alcohol to Lucy’s benefit and Alex’s dismay. Maybe Lena only went over the speed limit four times to get home at a reasonable time.

It was already way past nine. More like, closer to ten.

Blame it on no one but herself, for procrastinating so hard she was barely able to keep her focus for longer than ten minutes. She couldn’t even remember the last time she was like that. And to think it was all because of one conversation.

(“We have to set a date.”

“What?”

“A date, you know. I don’t intend on being engaged for the rest of my life.”

Lena had looked down at her own hand, then at Sam’s, smiled wide at the matching rings they already wore and nodded. They really needed to do so.

But, somewhere on the back of Lena’s mind, she would have to admit that taking the next step was something that never crossed her thoughts. Because, after almost two years together, the engagement was the only next step logically. And so, Lena proposed.

Now it seemed the only next step logically was a change of name. It shouldn’t terrify her.)

She ran inside her home, barely taking her time to lock the car behind her, heels clicking against the pavement and handbag swaying at every passing step.

Her house was silent, something she was unused to, especially when Alex and Lucy gathered with them. But then again, Lucy was exhausted, so was Alex for what they talked about on their shared lunches on the security of her office.

She only needed to step into the living room to understand why. Ruby was fast asleep on the couch, head resting on Alex’s lap and the rest of her body on top of Lucy’s, both of them seeming to have found the girls suggestion of sleeping too good to be declined. She smiled once she saw Alex’s hand still on Ruby’s hair.

The fourth and final figure was standing next to the TV rack, blonde hair up in a messy bun. It only took Lena one minute to figure out what Kara was so intensely staring at. Family pictures. More precisely, the one’s she had been taking over the past two and a half years.

“You’re the sole survivor of the night?”

Kara jumped slightly, took a step away as if caught doing something wrong, and looked down as her fingers pressed against her eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, my contacts are killing me.” She ran her hands down her grey sweatpants, Lena chose to ignore the darker path they left on it. “Sam went to the bathroom and these just decided you were taking too long. I was just waiting for you to arrive to leave. They’re my ride.”

Lena leaned against the wall, looked down at her feet. She couldn’t look at Kara, not right now.

Maybe not ever.

(It hurt. It hurt so fucking much for someone who claimed she was over it.)

They left not too long after that, with a small wave and a nod. Sam’s hand on the small of her back and Ruby already passed out on her own bed. 

It was later that night, after a long bath and a well-deserved hot meal, it was at the darkness of their shared bedroom, in the way too big bed for two that they barely used to its full extent, as they cuddled and her hand gripped at the back of Sam’s t-shirt that she said it for the first time.

“I do like the idea of getting married during spring.”

Sam smiled against her neck. They didn’t have much to say after that.

(And she was happy.

She was. 

She really was, because of Sam, and Ruby, and Alex, and Lucy.

The voice in the back of her head still insisted she could be happier.)

**

Kara never got drunk.

That was the thing Alex Danvers was the happiest about in her sister’s life. Because Kara had the means to drink and, in her own mind, every single reason to do so. But the only time a drop of alcohol touched Kara’s mouth, she swore she would never do something like that again. 

It had been over five years. 

So, when her phone started ringing at two in the morning with Kara’s face flashing on the screen, the last thing on her mind would be that. But maybe it should’ve been.

She had been quiet during the ride home, none of them mentioning how hard it was getting to pretend the air wasn’t tense around them and that Kara’s eyes weren’t red from crying. And, once the car was slow enough, Kara pretty much had jumped out with a hushed goodbye. Maybe being at Lena’s home, at Sam’s home, had been too much. Alex was too tired to think about anything reckless Kara could do at night.

Kara wasn’t the one on the other end of the line, and it was all it took for Alex to sit up straight in bed. Lucy barely muttered something under her breath and turned around to catch much needed sleep.

And she rushed, putting on the first clothes she could find and grabbing her car keys while the bartender of a bar she never even heard about (that would be something coming from herself since going to low rated bars with questionable food and bad drinks was something she and Lucy shared since their college days) explained to her how Kara Danvers, yes,  _the_  Kara Danvers, was sitting at a stool in front of him, refusing to leave and demanding another drink.

Apparently, she had already broken two glasses with her drunken hands and Alex’s number was the first one on speed dial.

It took her twelve minutes to get there. And another twenty to make Kara move, as she apologized profusely to the guy behind the counter and put her sister’s arm around her shoulder. Kara’s words were so slurred she could barely form a sentence.

But, even in her drunken state, Kara’s mind seemed to have only one thought. Lena. And Kara cried the whole ride back, threw up behind her building, and fell asleep shortly after Alex took her out of the shower. She saved her speech to the next day, it would be more painful with Kara remembering the words and the headache that came along. Alex also saved the amount of money Kara had spent on the bar, a tab Alex had to pay because her sister lost her wallet.

Kara would hear, God, she would hear until Alex was tired of talking. And she was a professor with three-hour long classes. 

(“I can’t believe you were so unprofessional, Kara! You have a game in four hours!”

“Can you scream a little lower? It’s really hurting my head.”

“It’s what you deserve after what you did. Are you crazy? You’re well known, you can’t get drunk in a shitty bar the night before a big game, people will see. You have a public image to preserve!”

“Lucy drinks just as much.”

“Never before a game and always at home, so watch it before you open your mouth to talk about my wife.”

“Sorry.”

“Apologize to your teammates and to your coach, not to me. You really fucked up this time, Kara.”

“I’m never drinking again, Alex.”

“You better.”)

**

_“Here.”_

_“Lena, please. Don’t.”_

_“Don’t make this harder than it has to be, Kara. Take it.”_

_“I can’t.” And there were tears, tears that out of_ _stubbornness_ _would refuse to be released, tears that, five years later, Kara would beg to be able to let go. And there was anger. So much anger. “_ _It_ _will mean it’s over.”_

_“It already is.”_

_She felt Lena’s fingers for the last time, barely grazing the skin of her palm as the silver wristband was passed back to the buyer, she tried to curl her fingers, to grasp at anything left, but she found herself without the_ _strength_ _to do so._

_And all there was left to do was watch as Lena,_ _twenty-year-old_ _Lena, gave her one sad smile, the last one she would see for years to pass, before collecting her_ _backpack_ _and turning around._

_She didn’t spare a glance back._

_She didn’t accept her calls._

_Her texts were left unanswered._

_It_ was _over._

 _Kara turned the wristband on her hands, eyes red and puffy, her thumb brushed against the words craved on the inside._ I really do love you. _And she did, God, she did. It only brought a sob to her lips._

_She curled herself on her bed on the dorm she shared with her not so nice roommate, pressed the_ _confirmation_ _of the end of their relationship to her chest and cried._

_Kara didn’t remember how exhausting crying that hard could be._

**

In all honesty, Lena thought it took them long enough to pull something like this. 

 _Make yourself at home, be there soon_  from Lucy and she should’ve known better, because Lucy was never late. But she didn’t even think about it. It had been a long day, a long  _week_ , and all she wanted was to take her heels off, spend the night with her best friends before going home to the arms of her fiancée.

Alex and Lucy didn’t think the same, apparently. It had started with them not being home, neither of them. And the door was open when she got there, so she set herself to put the copy of the key back into her purse as she used her feet to close the door behind her.

She already had one heel at her hand and was working on getting rid of the other, all of that after she took off her overcoat and hanged it at the entry, when she heard it.

“Hey.”

Kara was there, phone in hand and an empty glass of water in front of her, hair down and glasses adorably resting at the bridge of her nose. 

“Hi.” Lena moved to set her purse on top of the counter, Kara smiled at her, but didn’t do much to hold her gaze, focusing, instead, at the hand Lena left resting at the counter. Her left hand. Lena took a step back, ran her hand down the grey pantsuit. “They totally just set us up, right?”

“You could say that. Still vegetarian?”

“What?”

“Pizza.” Kara looked at her again. “I’m ordering in for movie night.”

She could only manage a nod before moving to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water of her own. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

It came so out of the blue that Lena almost dropped her glass. Almost. Instead, her grip on it tightened, and she forced herself to look up and forward. Kara leaned against the doorframe, water and phone forgotten somewhere, blue eyes fixed on her.

Lena would very much like to know when Kara became such a brave woman. In her mind, Kara Danvers was still the mostly shy twenty-year-old who couldn’t look at her eyes once they got into important topics. In her mind, Kara would never be able to bring up such an important subject in such calm, hands tucked inside pockets, just as perfectly as her white shirt was inside her jeans.

In her mind, Kara Danvers hadn’t grown up. Oh, was she wrong. Because, in front of her stood a woman, a very confident one by the looks of it, sad smile playing at her lips and eyes so tired Lena got a glimpse of the girl from so many years ago, the girl who used to cry on her shoulder and never speak her mind.

But it was all it was. A glimpse. Because her posture was the same, but the air of confidence didn’t use to be there. Lena found it beautiful, Lena found that it suited her. Lena just didn’t like the consequences of that air, because it would reopen old scars, too old and too deep to be remembered. Seemed like the woman in front of her agreed on that, but somehow, found it necessary.

Still, her words betrayed her.

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about.”

Not a second passed, before she got a reply, smile growing bigger, smile growing sadder.

“Then why does it feel like you can’t even look at me in the eye?”

“I am.”

“I’m not talking about right now and you know it. You always know what I mean.”

“I just don’t think it’s necessary to bring up something that happened years ago.”

Lena felt the weight of Kara’s gaze on her back as she took steps closer to the sink, glass finding stable ground and her own hands finding a place to grip, to keep her on this reality, to keep her on this moment.

Because, with Kara’s voice, so calm and collected, it was easy to lose herself in the endless amount of happy old memories she stored to herself in a part of her brain she refused to acknowledge out loud. Because it would be easy to go back to easier times, to happier times and think that maybe, just maybe, they could make this work this time.

The worst part of a heartbreak, the worst part of the heartbreak she caused herself because of Kara Danvers, was the she could only remember the good parts of their relationship. And with Kara, she had a very large amount of good times. Perhaps, she even stored two or three bad memories as good ones, just because it ended bringing them closer together. But there were bad times. Not in the same proportion, far from it, but they were too painful to be remembered, so maybe she liked to think they only had happy moments. And that was the biggest lie she ever told herself.

Maybe, if she kept in mind the worst parts, their fights, the nights they went through without talking to each other, their breakup, the angry, messy and honestly amazing sex they shared as a way of pouring all the pent-up emotion they had built in months apart. Maybe if she kept all that in mind, her heart wouldn’t hurt for having Kara so close and so far at the same time.

“I think” she stopped herself, and for the first time in the night, Lena saw hesitation in her eyes “I think that, in order to heal and move on, we have to.”

“I’ve moved on.”

“Clearly.” It was so low Lena wondered if she hadn’t imagined it, but the guilt flashing through her expressions was proof enough. “But have you healed? Because I don’t think you have. Otherwise, you wouldn’t look at me with so much hate.”

That did it.

Lena took a step back, shoulders set straight, trying to gain as much height as she could even if Kara still had to look down to look at her in the eye. Then she went forward, and Kara swore she could see the anger around her frame. Lena felt it too.

Chest to chest. A position they had found themselves so many times before in an uncountable number of different situations, none of them being this. They knew it. Both of their minds going to the same thought at the same time. Time, distance and anger could never take that away from them.

“You think I hate you?”

“It feels like it.”

“Believe it or not, Kara, my life doesn’t turn around yours.” And she could feel Kara’s warmth, so much heat that she could feel from the inches that separated them, even through both of their clothes. “And I don’t have to beg and make a list of why I don’t hate you so you can change your mind.”

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Why did you break up with me.”

Lena stopped, eyes bored into blue and there was only honesty there. But something else, something Lena couldn’t quite figure it out.

Perhaps, Kara was wright. Perhaps, she still needed to heal, because the question opened up all the old wounds, leaving nothing untouched. And Lena could only feel anger. If she had healed indeed, nothing would’ve happened. Funny how she lied to herself for so long she started to believe in her lie.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” No answer, and Kara’s eyes were set, a woman with determination to get all she needed, no matter how bad it would hurt her. How it would hurt them both. “I told you everything five years ago!”

“You didn’t, Lena. Because you forget that I know you, you forget that I know you better than I know myself.”

 _You used to,_ Lena thought to herself,  _but maybe that hasn’t changed._

“Please, I think I deserve the consideration.”

“My father had a heart attack.” The words started tumbling out of her mouth before she could even process them, each of them getting out louder than the one before. “I was nineteen, Kara. He left everything to Lex. But Lex was just a kid in so many ways, he didn’t have the responsibility to take over so much work. And I watched as my brother, the only person I had left by my side who loved me, went down under the pressure. It wasn’t pretty, Kara. After Lillian got arrested for tax evasion, Lex just lost it. He killed himself a couple of months after I turned twenty.”

_You know what happens next._

“Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Lena...” She took a step back when she saw Kara’s hand reaching for her cheek, and she hated the part of her that begged for her to stay in place so she could figure out if the touch was still as soft and as warm as she remembered. “Lena, I”

“You don’t have to say anything, Kara. You knew all of that, everyone knows that. Don’t you think that was part of the reason? You never, once, stopped to consider that my decision wasn’t all about you? I was the one who found him! I found my brother dead, on my dad’s study, empty bottle of pills and whiskey, is that what you wanted to hear? To make you feel good about yourself? To hear that it wasn’t on you being miles away?”

The outburst came same as the tears. Without a warning. And Lena felt so much tension and energy begging to be released, and Kara was there, the same look she was used to receiving for so long, and that was the first time she hated Kara. 

Because she could handle the anger. Not the pity. 

Her hands were caught midair, before she even understood her arms had gone up and forward to shove pure muscle. She stopped, then, when she felt thumbs brushing the inside of her wrists and the same warmth she grew used to then learnt to live without spreading through her skin.

And there were tears on Kara’s eyes, but, once again, she refused to let them go. Lena Luthor really hated pity.

“I wish you would’ve told me all that.”

“I am telling you now.”

“I would’ve been there for you.”

“That’s the whole point, Kara.” It was the first time since the conversation started that Lena paid attention to her tone. She was tired, more than she’s been in years, but they were far from over this conversation. “You would’ve wanted to leave everything behind and go to Metropolis as soon as I said I needed you.”

Kara tugged at her wrists, she obliged and took a step forward, feeling every point of contact between their bodies. Kara’s mouth was closer than it’s ever gotten in three years, and, once again, Lena hated the part of her that remembered the good parts.

Their kisses were definitely on the good parts.

“I couldn’t ask you to give up on your future, Kara. You were doing so well.”

“So, you gave up on us, instead?”

It was a low blow, both of them knew it, but, apparently, Kara didn’t care.

“That’s so unfair.”

“Because it’s the truth?”

“Because you think it was easy for me, giving up on the person I had shared six years of my life and the one who I knew loved me like no one else had before. Like I wasn’t in love with you.” And against her better judgement. “Like I don’t still love you.”

Kara stopped at that, clearly taken aback. She dropped Lena’s hands, falling limply by her side, mouth dropping an inch.

“If you loved me back then, you wouldn’t have left.”

“Oh my God, Kara! Do you even hear yourself right now?” Lena turned around, put much needed distance between them, because there were certain looks on Kara’s face she couldn’t handle. And not by hate. Hope was amongst them. “It wouldn’t be fair on either of us! I needed something you couldn’t give me, I needed someone next to me. And I would never forgive myself for asking something from you that could hurt your career, can you understand that?”

“I would’ve left everything to be with you.”

It sounded so honest that Lena stopped dead in her pacing around the kitchen. And Kara stood two feet away, having gotten closer as she ranted, with the most open expression she had ever received.

There were no masks of false confidence. Kara stood in front of her as the seventeen-year-old who promised to love her no matter what. A part of her still believed in that. Lena wondered how much of the confidence she was seeing earlier was an act and how much was entirely World Champion Kara Danvers.

“I’m sorry, Lena. I’m sorry we got to a point in our relationship that we didn’t see eye to eye in our choices. I’m sorry you felt like that was your only option left and I’m sorry now for still thinking we could’ve made us work.”

“Kara” the defeat in her tone wasn’t missed by any of them, they didn’t mention it “we were just fighting. Do you really thing we could’ve gone through years of this?”

“I would’ve like to have a chance to try.” Her hands found their way back into her front pockets, she let out a loud sigh as if preparing herself for what was to come. Lena hated it the moment she heard it. “One last thing.”

“Don’t you think it was enough for a night?”

“Indulge me.” A bitter smile took over both their faces, Lena nodded. “Do you?”

When she didn’t get an answer, Kara took a step forward, Lena felt her perfume, the strange scent she came to sport over the years they were apart. She cleared her throat and tried once more.

“You said you still loved me. Do you really?”

“There hadn’t been a day since we were fifteen that I haven’t.”

“Do you love her? Do you love Sam?”

“Yes, Kara. More than I thought I could.”

“More than me?” Kara laughed, and Lena felt the air against her neck, a shiver ran down her spine. But Kara left, taking the warmth and the scent altogether. “That wasn’t really fair on my part. Sorry.”

“I think you should call Alex and tell them to come home.”

“I think I should.” 

“And I think you should join me for lunch sometime.”

Kara smiled, even though her eyebrow raised in a proportion Lena couldn’t remember being able to do so.

“Oh, my, miss Luthor. Are you asking me out on a date?”

“I’m still engaged, miss Danvers.” 

If it downed the light on her eyes, Lena refuse to acknowledge, because of course the statement hurt. It hurt herself to say it out loud. Kara’s smiled didn’t falter, but she nodded.

“Yeah. I would very much like to get to know you better, Lena.”

**

_Lena Luthor, CEO of L-Corp and_ _CatCo_ _, as well as the biggest investor of National City Football Club, shared lunch with Kara Danvers, midfielder of NCFC and leader of assists on the NWSL. That’s how, after_ _a_ _long deliberation, I decided to start this news. The order of presentation could’ve been the o_ _pposite_ _and it wouldn’t change the importance of both woman to National City and to the United States._

_The pair was seen in the recent opened Italian restaurant near L-Corp's building. The meeting went over an hour. Once they left, they spotted the cameras and even posed for a couple of pictures together. And, of course, we can only speculate over the nature of their talk. It would be a very good guess to day it was a reward as Kara Danvers was just voted NWSL Player of the Month, leading NCFC to second place on the standings._

_Fortunately, and unfortunately, there are no reasons to believe this encounter was a romantic advance on either part, once Lena Luthor is currently engaged to Samantha Arias, CFO of_ _CatCo_ _. It’s a shame, once they would be such a power couple, but we have to admit that Samantha and Lena are also one._

_It doesn’t mean the hardest fans of Kara Danvers aren’t invested on this building friendship, the #_ _Karlena_ _being on the Top 10 most tweeted tags on Twitter since this morning. We can only hope this development will bring only the best to our team._

Nia Nal, Junior Reporter from CatCo Worldwide Media – June.

**

“Lucy, are you sure you even know how to use that thing?”

“Yes, I do this for Alex all the time and I’ve had lots of free time to practice, now stop flinching before I end up hurting you for good.”

Kara stilled on the chair, dared to take one final look at her apartment’s bathroom’s mirror.

“Babe, take just one step to the side, Kara’s face isn’t showing up.”

She flinched again when she heard the, now familiar, buzzing coming from the machine. The first sweep was not that bad, maybe it was because Lucy had started at the back and she really couldn’t see what was happening, but her heart didn’t race. (Well, not more than it already was.)

(Kara doubted it could beat any faster than that.)

Her seemingly calmness lasted, of course, until Lucy asked her to lean her head so she could start at the sides. And then, it was enough to make Kara panic.

“Kara, be careful!”

“It’s too short, Lucy! Can we stop? Please?”

“I’ve almost  _shaved_ half of it, it’s going to look awful for the next years, so shut up and let me finish this.”

“Lucy, please.”

“Quit whining, dude.” Alex came closer, holding the phone directly to Kara’s face. “You’ve always kept your promises, so congratulations Player of the Month.”

“I hate you both.”

“Almost done.” And with one final, decisive sweep, it was over. Lucy turned the hair clipper off. “I’ll adjust the top later, but here we go. Quiff does look good on you, Kara.”

“Welcome to the team, Kara.”

Alex punctuated the statement by running her hand through her hair. Kara could only laugh.

“Can we do the top shorter?”

“Anything you want, Kara.”

**

_LenaLuthor_ _started following KDanvers10._

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, you can find me on tumblr: @broodyJC


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